I'm shameless, yet very afraid of posting.

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by Chukwudum Anozie

See life hey? Last week Rhoro and I released DARE, in very uncomfortable fashion. Some of you I've told this story to, others I haven't, but I thought here is the best place for me to share the story.

For those that know me, you know that I'm unfortunately unafraid of shame or embarrassment. Many believe it's because I'm overconfident or have just never been told to shut up. On the contrary, I've simply embarrassed myself so many times in so many situations I just don't feel it anymore. Even so, there are times where even I have to admit that I'm too scared to post. Art is one of them. I've always hated the idea of 'doing art' from a personal perspective. I made videos in high-school I couldn't wait to delete. Drawn figures that have long since decomposed. Written poems so ignored the ink itself catches dust-bunnies. The idea of revealing myself past hoping some people find me funny is deeply troubling. Art is not only revelation, but to the eyes of much of my family, utterly unprofitable. When I told my parents I wanted to do History, my aunt QUICKLY called me to the kitchen and asked me if I knew I wasn't going to make enough to support a family. I was 17. I'm ashamed of my art and every time I get proven why I should really stop thinking like that. One thing I told myself i wasn't gonna do was rap.

I ignored all beckons for me to freestyle. I listened and heard. Stumbled on my words so that people would acc UNINVOLVE me. Hip hop has always been fantastic to listen to, but making it? Why would I want to be associated with Rod Wave (I'm sorry Arielle)? Tom Mcdonald? DAX????? Worse, I've met too many niggas who are way too good at being egotistical and really bad at learning. Art is humanity, to become a more experienced person is to become a better artist if you LET YOURSELF undergo it. Couldn't pay me to rap. Which brings us to DARE. 

DARE is named after Daredevil, the superhero. It's about everything I've ever been scared about pertaining to not just art, but faith. It's inspired not only by the Intro to 2014 Forest hills drive, but Daredevil comic books. In fact, almost every two bars has a Daredevil reference. Foggy streets, (Fisk)al years, Hell's kitchen, Marvel at stake, Shadowland mirror pathetic, I could go on. But inside there's also references to my life, the places I've lived, the people I'm scared to lose, the people I know who've already dared, all while expressing how I'm scared of success and forgiveness. Maybe I'll write more about that one day. But DARE isn't a positive poem, it's a cautious one. Do I dare to try with all of this and accept that some of my fears are gonna come true? That's what this poem means to me. That's what DARE is about. And I don't really have much to say after that.

I wrote this while I was on the phone with Rhoro and I can't lie, this is getting fun. But I'm still often weary of the idea of actually doing something like this. It goes deeper than daring to hit the post button. It's the very idea to write in the first place. It's a very slow process but I can feel fear losing, and I think that's enough.

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